Terroronthe32ndfloor.com - 20lbs. of Terror in a 5lbs. bag.

Headline:"i whant a crazzy fun loveing person"

What do you do for fun? i am a crazzy person

About me and who I'd like to date: i like people that are theim selfs amd like to have fun i dont like to people who try to by me lots of stuff to win my heart i am a lovebel person and love to be crazzy i love to be arond people that i can be my self arond and dont feel dume i have horabel spell dont tell me it cuz i alrady know it suxs thatks but i love to bite i trye to stop but it just something i like to do so ya

Burnz: Wow, I thought I knew evil faeries, but this one sure does take the ckea.

Goopers: Parden?

Burnz: The ckea, lkie the stuf w/ising.

Goopers: Oh, right. I feel you now. I don't think you should mock her grammar, just look at her, she clearly spans several times and professions: Old west prostitute, 50's secretary, 20's model, and even the form man will eventually evolve into: androgynous milky blob of painted flesh. Either she is eternal and must take the head of others and with it their power, or she is a time traveler. She's been to the future man, she brought back with her what English will be like in 3025. I think we should salute her for educating us.

Burnz: What is that thing painted on her there? Is that like a praying mantis coming out of a crescent moon after it was hit with a rocket? Is it a portent of what she has seen to come for man? Should we start the mantis extermination now?

Goopers: Insolent fool! It's clearly a Romulan bird of prey that has been hit with a photon torpedo and is venting plasma from the hull breach.

Burnz: So, why's it blue?

Goopers: The Romulans take not asking or telling very very seriously. Isn't it just fabu?

Burnz: She also looks way pissed that I didn't return my books on time. You would think that when I bring back the Kama Sutra 8 days late and then lean enticingly across the counter and lick my lips she would soften up. It works in adult cinema, and she clearly used to be a filthy whore that would double-team gunslingers. What am I doing wrong?

Goopers: I don't think that is the librarian look. I have seen that over the glasses bullshit before. That's the time honored "My silly boss is sexually harassing me again." The dangerous one is when she whips the glasses off and holds them in her hand. You know you're one step away from a hearing when they do that. And don't try to use the "Just look at her, she was asking for it." Defense. Too many girly girl judges. Don't get me started on the "I'd fuck your stenographer" discussion. That was the summer I had to go away.

Burnz: Well either way it's equal parts "come take me" and "back off you hot man thing. God, I can't believe I am turning you down." I'm paraphrasing.

Goopers: Maybe you need one of those Mexican ponchos, a bandolier, and be chewing on a cigar. Take her back to a simpler time in her life when she was footloose and fancy free. Tell her to invite her friend too. Unless she's on the rag. Women are turned on by strange things like that. I once met this girl that couldn't have an orgasm unless she was watching reruns of Perfect Strangers. Balki got her hot. Maybe your intellect turned her off. You do tend to make ppl feel dume so they can't be them selfs not matter what kind of crazzy biter they are. And there is nothing fun loveing about u!!!

Burnz: You might have a point, so ya.

Goopers: Everything about her says "come hither" but you know she is just a gigantic tease. And I'll bet you good money there is some community theatre group that sighs whenever she comes into the room. I bet she tried out for the part of Helen Keller in The Two Rivers Troupe production of The Miracle Worker and she cried for two days when she didn't get it despite the line that went around the block of people who had met her and was more than willing to make her blind and deaf with a crochet hook.

Burnz: That wasn't even the saddest part. It was that her mother volunteered to be in charge of handing out the hooks. What confused me was how they expected to deafen her with knitting implements.

Goopers: I think they were just going to start digging around in her skull for the parietal lobe while screaming "Are you deaf yet?" at her. To be honest, I'd take a piece of that action. They really need to get their cloning together so we can make a bunch of her for county fairs. It would be more popular than dunking insurance agents into tanks of electric eels or jellyfish.

Burnz: We could engineer electric jellyfish eels.

Goopers: I like the cut of your jib.

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