Survey #1

Survey #2

Survey #3

Survey #4

Survey #5

Survey #6

Survey #7

Survey #1: The Chalupa
01. Time you started: Started what? I started when the doctor raised me up to let the lightning bolt strike me.
02. Name?: Sin
03. Nicknames?: Gluttony, Sloth, Wrath, Lust, Greed, Envy, Pride
04. Screen name[s]? TheBurnz, TheFascistRag, WhyDoesEveryoneThinkIAmHot?
05. Aim name?: No, I shoot from the hip at names, I don't aim (shut up matt, too early in the survey for that shit)
06. Grade?: C+
07. GPA?: All the time.
08. Sex?: Same as the GPA
09. Birthdate?: Shortly after conception
10. Zodiac sign?: Burnz.
11. Current Location?: Earth, Planet of
12. Height?: 3'10" sitting down, with my shoes off.
13. Hair Color?: Blonde, brunette, red head, dirty blonde, mousey brown, did I get them all?
14. Eye Color?: Mine are brown, Jo's are pink.
15. Siblings: It should be pronounced Sai Bling Blings
THe crUSH SIDe
19. Crush?: Orange, althought Lime is good too.
20. Girlfriend/Boyfriend?: It should be Boyfriend slash girlfriend, at least that is how the last realtionship of mine worked.....sick bastard
21. If you could go out with anyone in the world, who would it be?: In a perfect world? Myself, who the fuck else can stand me?
THe PaST SIDe
22. Memory you miss most?: The fucking womb, it was so nice and warm, I plan to build a new uterus ASAP, with a vent and an ashtray.
23. Memory you would like to forget?: SURVEYS!.
24. What'd you do yesterday?: Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday is opposites day and it rocked!.
25. Last person you talked to on the phone?: Some telemarketer, I tried to explain why bad childhood prevents me from wanting a new long-distance carrier.
26. Last thing you said out loud (or typed)?: carrier.
27. Last song you listened to?: Suicide Solution by Ozzy, and I don't feel too good.
THe FaVoRiTeS
28. Food? A nice red clay, with maple syrup.
29. Drink: 100 proof, anything, just make it 100 proof.
31. CD's?: Freak Nasty's live version of "Matt ownz you" and Jimmy Buffett's "God that one live version of Freak Nasty is a good album"
32 Color?: Hazel, what fucking color is hazel? Mauve, it is calming, it keeps me from being agitated.
33. Day of the week?: Sunday, that's my fun day.
34. Month?: I like August, it is an independent month, fucking December and January are always voting together on all the bills, and All the summer months are such fucking snobs, and by god if fucking September looks at me like that one more time I am just going to come unglued, yeah you Septy, just look away.
35. Favorite number?: 7, it is odd, but not as power hungry as nine, nor the mediator of 5 nor the sheer curve narcissim of 3, and 1 is just a pussy.
36. Holiday?: Yom Kippur, say it Yom Kippur, sounds like a dish, a white wine with your Yom Kippur sir? (I think I spelled it wrong, damn jew holidays)
37. Cookie?: Anything that a woodshop teacher lost his finger in. Extra chunky.
38. Toothpaste?: I like that mentadent shit, it feels like a carbonated oral invasion, which must be repelled by my saliva.
39. Sport?: Whacking a ball against a wall, cuz you won't play with me.
40. Candy bar?: Depends on where you are putting it (ewww, come on)
41. Favorite channel?: Discovery, hump zebra hump.
42. Shampoo/Conditioner?: Dr. Fredricks Flea and Tick shampoo for dogs/cats.
43. Songs?: "Bum be dum dum" - By guys who did theme to National Geographic, "Foolish Games" - By screaming drunk at Karaoke night, "Sit the fuck down" -By guy in back of bar yelling to guy singing "Foolish Games"
44. Friends?: My computer, my car, The girl cat.
45. Online?: Online what? Ok, yes, online, certainly, you?
46. Cutest?: me motherfucker.
47. Meanest?: me again, with an oomph.
48. Most trustworthy?: buzzzzz? anyway, I only trust two men in this world, and one of them is a girl cat, so I don't think I am the best person to determine anything am I?
49. Best at keeping secrets?: Wouldn't know, don't have secrets.
50. Can talk to about anything?: My lord and creator, Jerry Springer.
51. Smartest?: me again.
52. Sweetest?: fuck, I ain't getting this one am I? well then FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!!
53. Weirdest?: once more with the great Matt.
54. Most hyper?: Tough call, don't know, will administer a hyper test that is 100 questions long and see who leaves first.
55. Most annoying?: Tony, fucking faggot bitch ass shitmonger, bad person, not nice to the elderly Tony. Who is a faggot bitch.
THe BeLIeVe IT Or nOT SIDe
56.Aliens?: I have no idea, senator. I have no knowledge nor opinion on extraterrestrial life. Thank you senator, I will step down now.
57. Angels?: I think I am proof of that.
58. Heaven & Hell?: Well, I live in one of them, but I don't know about heaven.....
59. God?: I have seen weirder, I mean, once I knew this guy who did things with his left hand, I mean like he wrote with his left fucking hand. Just think about that....sickening isn't it? I could barely watch the mother fill out a form it was so unnerving.
60. Yourself?: Usually, but sometimes I take a spectral form and pass through non-corporeal time and space, so that makes me go "hmmmm" a little bit.
61. Been on a plane?: In the cargo hold, I had to hide in a suitcase, they determined me to be an "ecological threat" to everywhere.
62. Cried in public?: I wept a virgins tears when first he loved me, why we were in the town square at the time is still a little unclear, but he says it was my idea.
63. Climbed a tree?: If by tree you mean prison wall then no comment.
64. Ate a Worm?: Just one that was sitting in booze, you think I mean tequila? no, I was that hard up for a drink.
65. Kissed a guy/girl: never a guy/girl, I like to pick someone that knows which one they are.
66. Met a celebrity?: I took a blind shot at Mick Jagger once.
67. Met the president?: Again, blind shot.
68. Been scared to get shot?: While I was taking blind shots through DC and Hollywood, makes you jumpy.
71. Gone skinny dipping?: With lite cool whip and a strawberry.
72. Skipped school?: I like to think of it more like skipping slacking when I went to school.
WHaT Do YoU THInK oF wHen YoU Hear...
73. George W. Bush:? Hail Hitler!
74. Lollipops?: Sticky...what the fuck kind of a question is this? lollipops, you're lucky I am bored you survey bitch.
75. Dreams?: Gee, dreams, um, hell, I don't know, lollipops
76. Love?: Dreams
77. Whipped Cream?: Love (this one is true)
79. Christina Aguilera?: Whipped cream (that one is true)
78. South Park?: Sucks.
80. Guys?: South Park
81. Girls?: Guys....maybe I should think harder....
82. Death?: Girls (again, true)
THe WHIcH WoULD YoU raTHer SIDe
83. Dog/Cat?: Mah Dawgs.
84. Blue/Purple?: Ok, either I am off kilter, or this survey is so bad even I can do nothing with it.
85. Chocolate/Vanilla?: Aguilera.
86. Pen/Pencil?: For what? When? where? yeah, you come in my house you get repo-d survey bitch.
THe QUesTIons THaT DonT MaTTer SIDe...
87. Do you have a computer?: Time out, those other questions mattered? Yeah, what I think of about lollipops matters, but having a computer doesn't...fucking survey priorities.
88. Last time you showered?: Showering is for the weak
89. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?: The kind that you don't leave in the back pew of an Episcopal church beside the hym (is that how you spell hym) book.
90. How many buddies do you have on your buddy list?: I don't keep a buddy list, I keep an enemies list, I call it the US west Dex.
91. Do you like this survey?: Sure I like it, but I don't like it like it, it isn't like I am writing this surveys name on my notebook during math class. I mean, I just like it as a friend.
92. One pillow or two?: For sleeping on or making love to?
93. Last CD you bought?: "Matt Ownz you" such a good album, so full of truth.
94. How long are you in the shower?: Why? do you need the bathroom? I didn't think I was hogging it. Not like you and your forty minutes you take to fill yourself out in the morning. I mean gimme a break you selfish shit.
95. How do you eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup?: I get in a car, go 70 miles an hour and then try to grab it off the highway with my mouth. They say there is no wrong way but...
96. What does your screen name(s) mean? It means rock on gold dust woman.
97.How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie POP?: None, you just drill through the mother.
98. Do you like the person that sent you this survey?: I'm not saying yes, and I am not saying no I hate them and they suck and I am not friends with Jo anymore and I have taken enough survey shit from her to last a lifetime and I hope a cow falls on her. I am certainly not saying that.
99.Of all the people you sent this survey, how many people are likely to respond??? Most of them, they don't have any more to do than I do.
100. Time you finished?: I haven't finished yet, don't interrupt me survey, first the bathroom, and questioning if I like you, I think I have had enough of your shit survey, it is always about you, and you are so bloody insecure....don't cry...goddamn it survey you always do this, you and your emotions. No, I am leaving you just call up one of your survey pals to comfort you, I can't do this anymore.

Survey #2: The Soft Taco
1. What time is it? Half past "Why hasn't there been an armaggeddon yet?"
2. Name as it appears on your birth certificate? Mephi Freakin' Stopholis.
3. Nickname? The Big Stopho.
4. Parent's names? Pat and Pat...I can't tell them apart goddamn hermaphrodites, and your dad does have a dope name Jo.
5. Siblings? I have the Funk Soul Brother. Right about now.
6. Number of candles that appeared on your last
birthday cake? 3, after that people stopped caring enough to give me cakes.
7. Date that you regularly blew them out? They are still going, I figured since no one fucking loves me I will make goo with the fire, the fire loves me, the fire can make beauty.
8. Pets: One aussie woman.
9. Height? I didn't really measure her, I thought it would be rude.
10. Eye Color? All eyes are equal to the lord, we have no color.
11. Hair Color? Which hair? Oh I see survey, you can give it, but you can't take it.
12. Piercings? I took a bullet in the shoulder today, does that count? What if I put a big ass ring through it?
13. Tattoos? I think of myself as having enough scar tissue right now, and not enough money to get more of the right kind.
14. How much do you love your job Enough to rather be doing this survey.
15. Birthplace? Heaven, Kingdom of (just playing my religious associates)
16. Hometown? Nazareth (that is true)
17. Current residence? Hell's suburb.
18. Been in love before? I have fallen in love, with 3 delicious new flavors from baskin robbins.
19. Been to Africa? Shit yeah, I had a field full of cotton to harvest and needed to *ahem* retain some cost effective labor. I just loaded them on a barge and came back.
20: Been toilet-papering? Well, normally I prefer to just dip my ass in a cleansing bath, but when I am at work I have to.
21. Been toilet-papered? Yes, cruelly by my own possessed hand. Evil motherfucker.
22. Loved somebody so much it made you cry? From toilet papering to this, who wrote this mutha fucka? No, afraid not. I didn't even like someone enough to send them a card.
23. Been in a car crash? Yeah, and the dude was in a gold sparkly Pontiac and I am not kidding. Now my defrost is the only vent that works. Wigger shithead. Didn't cost me anything though, so suck a dick.
24. Croutons or Bacon Bits? On salad or child?
25. 2-door or 4-door? More backdoor really.....I win the nasty award for that one.
26. Coffee or coffee ice cream? I put a little of one in the other and wonder why...
27. Blanket or stuffed animal? Blankets don't watch you, always watching coldly, those eyes, those hideous unfeeling eyes.
28. Dumper or Dumpee? Dumper usually, unless it is with crocodiles..then I am (say it with me) Crocodile Dumpee (who sucks now? oh still me)
29. Salad Dressing? On salad or on children?
30. Color of socks? On salad?
31. Number that are actually matches? Socks are never matches, matches are matches, strike on box or strike anywhere, socks just don't start fires ...unless they are in cahoots with a stuffed animal and their cold button eyes, so harsh so cold......
32. Place to be kissed? Under the moonlit sky, wear those shoes and I will wear that dress, something about taking the trail marked on your father's map. So kiss me......
33. Favorite Movie? When big fucking cocks attack: The Matt Byrne story.
34.What question would logically be here if a question had actually existed here? Double barrel or pump action?
34B.2- IF you can do it I can do it. Double Barrel or pump action? Double Barrel
34B. If you could be any kind of cheese, what would you be and why? Longhorn, if you know what I mean, because I have a long horn, you know, long....horn......get it? you know?
35. Favorite Holiday? Rosh Hashana, then all the jews stay home and you can hunt them by the list you got from the synogouge. They will be there, oh yes they will. Seig Hail! (oh I am sick, jsut sick)
36. Favorite day of the week? Monday, now I am just trying not to conform, and trying a little too hard I might add. Who do I think I am fooling?
37. Favorite song at the moment? Lifehouse- Hanging on a moment or whatever. And of course Wonderful by everclear, because I am hoping that in making it my favorite somone that hates me will destroy every copy of it.
38. Favorite TV show? World's most fucked up shit. or World's scariest fucked up shit videos.
39. Favorite toothpaste? Formula 409, I believe that good dental hygene is to be taken seriously.
40. Favorite restaurant? Skittle's all you can eat pot brownies, for the pot head in your life. Ask us about special occassions, we won't know but will giggle a lot.
41. Favorite flower? Dandilions, they are dandy, they are lions, how can you go wrong?
42. Least favorite thing? (notice how I am not saying surveys) I won't say, but its initials are Darcy fucking Harris and her ilk of spoiled "look I wear a star of david, aren't I different?" abercrombie cunt whoring bullshit breed. Only without the bitterness. And aussie bitches that are more and more falling into that category.
43. Favorite sport? Survey taking.
44. Favorite fast food place? Skittle's all you can eat pot brownie drive through, ask us about catering, we won't know that shit either, but goddamn we think it is funny.
45. When was your last hospital visit? I got a needle in my arm today, not the good kind, the bad immunity kind, not the fun Skittle's pot brownie complimentary shoot up kind. Ask us about weed, we know that shit like Ghandi knew whatever the hell Ghandi knew.
46. Favorite drink?Anything, just as long as it comes out of Flo Jo. "Motor oil? sure, I'll kneel in the shower and spill it everywhere...you are laughing you fucks.
47. What color is your bedroom carpet? Is this a pubic hair question? mine is "Shag" colored. or brown depending on what you are asking.
48. How many times did you fail your Driver's License test? One more than you, but two less than I took it. Double talk.
49. What do you think of Ouija Boards? As salad?
50. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? I think that if I were to see myself in 10 years, I would be curious who I had been looking at for the past decade now wouldn't I
51. Who is the last person you got E-mail from? Jo, thanks Jo, thanks a shit load.
52. Which single store would you choose to max your credit card? Toys are us, because if you jsut hang around there and touch yourself, they expect you to buy something, the more I buy, the longer I can stay.
53. What do you do most often when you are bored? Surveys.
54. What words or phrases do you overuse? Word, wordwordwordwordwordwordwordwordwordword.
55. Name the person that you are friends with that lives farthest away? Gee, with all my 0 friends, I am, and I live with me, pretty exotic huh?
56. Most annoying thing is?People who spell Deja Vu wrong and women who don't take to date rape drugs.
57 Best thing? as opposed to??? Killing someone that wears a star of david just to be different.as opposed to killing myself? That opposed to is fucking lame.
58. Bedtime?I just dangle upside down, I don't really sleep.
59. Who will respond to this the fastest? Better get this out, I am on a deadline. And no one sends these back to me. Wise people.
60. Who is the person you sent this to is likely to
respond? what? damn twisted question.
61. What time is it now? where?

Survey #3: The Gordito.
[01] What's your first name? Matt
[02]Middle name? Will
[03]Last name? Byrne (of the clan McByrne)
[04]Nicknames? Matt, Matt, Matt, and those close to me call me Matt.
[05]Age? 19
[06]Sex? Mizale.
[07]Birthday? Why? You know you won't get me anything.
[08]Your sign? Children at play.
[09]Where do you live? Not in your basement.
[10]Do you have a boy/girlfriend? No (I think the survey is hitting on me)
[11]If so what's her/his name? This question is jsut offensive to us single people.
[12]Have you ever been in love? Yes (assuming that loving myself counts.)
[13]Who are/were your crushes? (in ascending chronological order starting from the first and moving up) The Placenta, Big Bird, Freud would say my mother, Shannon Manning, Lindsay Carpenter, Erica Strobl, Tina Morris, Megan Bartel, Matt Byrne. (does it count if you actually hooked up with them? If so then Darcy goes between Megan and me.)
[14]Do you have any piercings, or want any? Want to get like four more holes going up my left ear. Must massively affirm that I am heterosexual. I like chicks, go pussy yee haa, stock car racing rules.
[15]If so what do you have/want pierced? I think I just answered that, what is with this interrogation?
[16]Do you have a tattoo or want one? I want a guillotine on my back.
[18]Where do you shop at the most? 1st amendment adult books and video. Stuff for guys that are not gay R us.
[19]What color is your hair?shocking HETEROSEXUAL.
[20]What color are your eyes? Kaleidascope, call me Lucy. Not in a gay way. They are brown with gold flecks.
[21]How tall are you? 700 feet...oh that is my dick.
[23]Do you smoke? Just when I am awake.
[24]Do your friends smoke? Only the cool ones, Smoking make you cool,everyone will like you, you will be pretty.
[25]Who is your best friend? Joe Camel or Mr.Goopers my 6'0" muppet.
[26]Who are your friends? People who don't ask stupid questions, so this survey, not my fucking friend.
[28]Do you like Bath & Body Works? Do you mean as a store or as an incendiary device?
[29]Kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use? The kind in a bottle.
[30]Is your hair short or long? By whose standards? My lice seem to feel that I have a forest of hair.
[32]What sports do you play? Is pussy hunting a sport? Soccer otherwise, although I am hella out of practice.
[33]What turns you on? Fire, Bovines, the hole in the ozone layer, rubbing up against a hot naked woman while she yells "Sammy"
[34]What turns you off? Death, kittens, hot naked men, ugly naked men, medium naked men, having to ask who the fuck "Sammy" is.
[35]What place do you go for fun? The bathroom.
[36]What do you do for fun? Hang usually, I ain't one of those high rolla big willie style mutha fuckas.
[37] How many phones are in your house? That the cops know of? one.
[38]How many TV's do you have in your house? ok you got me, I never learned to count.
[39]What's your favorite food? Dead animal. Probably good lasagna.
[40]Do you look like anyone famous? Nope, not at all
[42]Who is/are the most attractive person/people you know? Why do they even put this question on a survey you are supposed to send to everyone? Just trying to get your friends to hate you?
[44]Do you wish to be like your parents? Yeah, and I have the drunk and disorderly charge to prove it.
[45] What cologne should a hot girl/guy wear? The same as an ugly girl or guy, just roll in some dead fish.
[46]What are you listening to right now? the ticking of my fingers on the keyboard...I hate my job.
[47]What time is it? 7:38, but the clock is broken, so in forty minutes it will be 7:38. I got to work at 7:38, and will leave at 7:38. These 12 hour days are killer.
[48]How many hours per day do you spend talking on the phone? Counting the 1-900-50-hotgirls talk time...0 hours usually.
[49]Do you have your own phone line? Wow, I bet everyone cares. No I do not.
[51]What are your favorite shoes? Leather hip boots. Not for me to wear, but you didn't specify did you Mr. Survey badass?
[52]What kind of clothes do you sleep in if any? A jacket, slacks, vest, shirt, tie, undershirt, bowler hat, and black socks with my Brooks Brothers loafers. That is assuming I am sleeping on informal Friday, otherwise White Tuxedo with the long tails and top hat. Old Goalie pants.
[54]What things do you say a lot? goddamn, fuck, shit, goddamn, fuck, fuck, fucking, fucker, motherfucker, cock-block, quantify.
[55]Are you the serious, loud, happy, or shy type? I am the crusty crazed loner drifter type. Want to buy some turkey? Depends on who I am around. Either the grim background spook or the cynical vulgar noisemaker.
Who do you think is the coolest person in the world? Me. No dude, sheer cool is Stephen Baldwin.
[57] Do you think you are weird or funny? Both.
[58]What would you prefer Thong or Bikini? Thong on a hot woman, you didn't say me did you, thwarted again you filthy survey beast, have at you.
[59]Who was the last person you called? If I pray, is that a call to god? if so then Julie.
[60]Where do you wanna get married? You see? This survey is majorly coming on too strong, I mean, we just met.
[61]Who is the hottest girl/guy in your school? Gee, my school...you aren't listening to me MR. Survey, I don't go to school, do you even care what I have to say or are you just trying to get me to the alter?
[62]What are your favorite guy/girl names? Guys: Malcolm, Cyrus, Lance, Rope. Girls: Honey, Baby, Sugar-Pie...I can't remember the bitches names.
[63]What is your worst memory in the past 5 years? Before this survey?....That year and a half nightmare I had with the initials DH.
[65]What's your favorite childhood memory? Bailing Dad out. Lying on Julian's floor talking shit in the middle of the night.
[66]What is your favorite fast food restaurant? A civilized man does not eat "fast food"...I like Carl's junior.
[67]Who do you really dislike? Ok, go get a phone book, open it to the first page with names on it. List everyone from that name to the last one in the book, go get another city's phone book, repeat step 2 through 3, then repeat entire process until you have everyone on the face of the planet listed...except Donnie from the New Kids, Donnie rocks.
[68]Do you have any brothers and sisters? Not that I acknowledge.
[69]If so, names:
[71]Do you have a spa? Define spa...no, I bet we don't.
[72]Are you stupid? Ok you fucking survey bitch, one minute it is marriage, next asking if I am stupid, you and me question man, lets take it to the hole.
[73]What are you addicted to? I might as well face it I'm addicted to love. I suck sometimes. Cigarettes.
[74]Do you like jewelry? No.
[75]Who do you wish you were like? Matt.
[76]Who has it easier, boys or girls? I will call it even.
[77]Would you rather be short or tall? Tall.
[79]Do you like playing pranks on people? No.
[80]What's your least favorite subject in school? Math of any kind.
[81]What's your favorite subject in school? Is smoking out back a subject?
[82]What time is it? 7:38, I have been doing this survey for a whole day.
[83]What college do you want to go to? GetOffMyDickAboutCollege U
[84]What school do you go to now? GetOffMyDickAboutCollege U, my dream has come true!!!
[85]Do you have a Playstation or Nintendo-64?playstation
[87]Do you sleep a lot? Nope.
[88]Whats your favorite radio stations? Fuck this survey.
[89]Are you a night person? Very.
[90]Whats your favorite TV show? Whose line is it anyway, although it has been going downhill.
[91]How often do you shower? Daily, sometimes 2 times a day.
[92]Do you get along with your parents? If by get along you mean ignore, then yes.
[93]What room do you spend most time in? the dungeon.
[94]How many rooms does your house have? Again with the counting.
[95]What do you wanna be when you're out of college? A dipshit file clerk...my god I am in hog heaven.
[96]Do you curse a lot? No, barely at all.
[100]What's your favorite flower? Rag weed.
[101] What are you wearing right now? Cape, hood, cowl, utility belt, rubber form suit and the emblem of that bat on my chest. Maroon shirt and tan slacks.
[102]Do you go to church? I would but gosh darn it makes my eyes boil in their sockets and my skin rend from my bones.
[104]Do you believe in God? What is with this third degree? YOu think you're Perry fucking Mason?
[105]Do you believe in love at first sight? I would like to, but I don't believe in love at all really.
[106]What color tooth brush do you use? Toothbrush? Is that a German word?
[107]How many times a day do you brush your teeth? none, I just chew on denta-bone.
[108]How do you feel right now? Hungry, a bit tired, unloved, unappreciated as a mother.
[111]Do you have a job? Yes
[112]If so, what is it? Well right now it is doing this survey, usually it is trying to avoid doing this survey.
[113]What's your favorite fruit? Frank DeCaro.
[114]What's your favorite vegetable? Broccoli.
[115]What's your favorite candy? Ok you question slining slut, you ain't Columbo, so just pop that glass eye out, you have it in backwards anyway and it is really starting to spook me.
[116]What's your favorite day? Oh valentines day for sure, wait till about 11:30 on a rooftop with a big ass scope on my .22 and just start dropping couples. What is really great is seeing how many will stop to try and help their fallen "other" and how many just pussy out and cover their heads as they run. Let the bitch drop I say, she wants help she can drag herself for it Terminator style.
[117]What are you going to do today? Try to finish this big fucking thing.
[118]Are you momma's little angel? Whoa, getting all Kojak with the questions. Suck it.
[119]Do you wear body spray? I don't know what it is, but god I hope I never learn.
[120]Who is the sweetest girl? Gotta go with Julie on this one.
[121]Who is the sweetest guy? Gonna have to say my boy Andrew. He tastes like cordial cherries.
[124]How many rings or necklaces do you own? 0 counting the ones I hocked.
[125]Do you wear a watch? Yes, just not on my wrist, some of the best evenings of my life started with the words "do you know what time it is?"
[126]Did/Do you have braces? Naw, refued to get em, Nature made my teeth this way, I ain't gonna put metal in there to fix em.
[129]Do you have freckles? No, but don't think I got off, I have moles, nothing says malignant like cancer promoting little blemishes.
[130]What are you thinking right now? Goodness here we go: "I need to do some actual work"...."Good morning Q," "Good morning 007" .... SEX...."If I don't put something clever here everyone will think I suck"....SEX...Pet Sematary 1: The awakening, Pet Sematary 2: Why do we keep burying shit here?, Pet Sematary 3: You would think we would have learned by now....Yummalicious....SEX.
[131]Are you having fun? Ask me again, but stand precariously close to the edge of the balcony.
[132]What time is it? 7:38, time sure does go by...oh wait, no it holds totally still.
[133]Who makes you laugh a lot? Me.
[134]Who's your favorite teacher? You gonna good cop bad cop me now you hotdoggin' K-9 survey unit?
[135]What's it doing outside right now? I don't know, ask who put it out there to tell you what it is doing outside.
[136]What is the best concert you have ever been to? Matt don't roll with concerts. Foreginer with Badfinger. (kill me)
[137]What is your favorite dream? The one where my children can grow up in a world without hate, without fear, without repression.....oh my bad that was Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream. Mine was about bunnies.
[139]Are you tired of filling this out yet? You think you are bad don't you? You think that you got me right where you want me don't you? Fine fine, we can play that game Dr. Survey, don't think you will get any more out of me...yes you will, I am at work.
[140]Who of your friends do you think will get married 1ST? Oh man, that is a great question, for a fucking moron. my answer: Who and Gives A Shit, they are such a nice couple.
[141]Who sent this lovely survey to you? Jo, you couldn't just let it die could you?
[142]What's your worst memory as a little kid? Happily I repressed all the really bad ones. Whatever scarred my back to shit and gone must have sucked some major ass.
144]Do you believe in Santa Clause? Wouldn't you believe in nutz motherfuckers that be all comin in your house all "Ho Ho Ho" with a cookie and gift barter system...I need to do some work.
[146]Are most of your friends music freaks? What the hell is a music freak? Someone who gets all dressed up like Jesus and does the "Funky Chicken"?
[213]What do you feel when you think about theperson who sent this to you? It is ok Jo, I am not going to become a dervish of enraged destruction. I will just expect you help me fuck Cecilia.
[214]Have you ever paid for a pay-per-view concert? Why the fuck would I do that?
[215] Do you buy mechandise on your favorite group/singer/band? Yeah, I got the Neil Diamond mug, the neil diamond hat, the neil diamond balding frizzy Mr. Leonard hair cap, the neil diamond "Why do you keep buying my shit?" tee shirt. Everything.
[216]What TV station is better? Better than what? You? all of them are better than you.
[217]What is the worst show on MTV? Jackass, I hate that goddamn show. Fucking retards for money.
[218] What is the best show on MTV? The commercials.
[220] What is the worst CD you own? Tough call: Dishwalla, Dog's eye view, and so so many others.
[221]What's your favorite movie Soundtrack? Reservoir Dogs or Crow 2
[222]Friend(s) you look the most like? I have been told I could be a Bartel. But you said friends, not cunts I look the most like.
[224]Friend(s) you have the most fun with? Not Jo (send me shitty surveys will you)
[226]Friend(s) you've dreamed about? Mike Lee last night, before that...Dan Glasl, Julian, oh again with the friends and not cunts.
[227]Friend(s) you tell your dreams to? Julie sometimes.
[228]Friend(s) you tell your secrets to: Everyone, I like talking about me.
WHAT GIRLS LIKE ABOUT GUYS:
[229]Boxers or briefs? Dick
[230]Long or short hair? Depends on where.
[231]Dark or blonde? I am a guy, why am I doing this section?
[232]Tall or short? Short body, tall cock.
[234] Mr. Sensitive or Mr. Funny? Whichever has the largest dick.
[235]Good guy or bad guy? Oh I know what you bitches put, and we in the Bad camp do not appreciate it.
[236]Dark or light eyes? Glass
[238]Ears pierced or no? Cock
[239]Tan or fair? white skin with a bronzed cock
[241]Stubble or neatly shaved ? oh stubble is just wrong.
[242]Rugged outdoorsy type or sporty type? Rugged looks with a sporty dick.
[243]All american, homie G, or grunge? All american clothes, grunge hair and homie G cock.
[245]Accent or American? Trying to think of a way to say cock.
WHAT GUYS LIKE ABOUT GIRLS:
[247] Long or short hair? short, long is usually prettier from a distance, but short is more functional.
[249] Tall or short? Tall guys like tall honies.
[250] Miss Sensitive or Miss Funny? I don't need some bitch that thinks she is funnier than me.
[251] Good girl or bad girl? Kill them both, let god sort them out.
[252] Dark or light eyes? Eyes are the window to the soul, so the more tint you got, the less of that shit I have to see so dark.
[253] Hat or no hat? Man, if you are going to drag me in here like TJ Hooker and try to beat answers out of me, you can die. I want my lawyer.
[255] Tan or fair? Oh look, even I have more depth than to classify this.
[256] Freckles or none? Some honies look good with freckles, some look terrible, so you show me a naked picture of the bitch in question and we will talk.
[257] Stubble or neatly shaved? Oh yeah, I like that mountain look in a woman...better not let Julie hear me say that.
[258] Rugged outdoorsy type or sportsy type? Chain smoking boozsy type.
[259] All american, homey G, or grunge?Just no cock.
[260] Accent or American? American, with Jo, If I weren't whitey Iwould be pissed.
[261] Mt. Dew or SURGE? In a woman? [262] McDonalds or Burger King?Burger King, less of a brain fuck, McDonalds is the third Reich of fast food
[265] Sweet or sour? Put em together and make a sauce you chink fucker.
[266] Mr. PiBB or Dr. Pepper? Dr. Pepper has a degree, he has a PH.D in ...soft drinking, so I have to go with the higher education level.
[267] Tea or coffee? Coffe
[268] Sappy/action/comedy/horror? Action usually.
[269] Cats or dog? Dog, fuck cats.
[270] Ocean or pool? Why don't you just lay out a bunch of different weapons and ask me which I would prefer to be beaten with?
[271] Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese? Nacho.
[272] Mud or Jello wrestling? Either, just so long as I can get a nice stroke going..that was nasty.
[273] With or without ice-cubes? Oh gee, this is too tough, I like women with Ice cubes. (I know we aren;t talking about women, it was a joke, but I question that you all will get that.)
[274] Milk, white, or dark chocolate? Gee, its matt, lets guess.....white. Seig Hail Chocolate. Actually I like dark.
[275] Shine or Rain? Depends on how many models are standing outside wearing white. Rain usually.
[277] Winter/Summer/Fall/Spring? Fall.
[278] Vanilla or Chocolate? Vanilla.
[279] Skiing or boarding? Hey, polish some wood and go careening down a hill. We are the evolved animal truly.
[280] Biking or blading? How do you mean blading? I mean I don't roller skate, but I am a blade fanatic if you dig me.
[281] Cake or cookies? cake
[282] Cereal or toast? What kind of toast? I am goingto protest this survey, it isn't specific enough, too many ambiguities. Cereal usually, but not fucking Oat Bran vs. some dope cinnamon toast, so ...bite the curb.
[283] Car or truck? Ghetto red trucks, Me and AJ baby, me and AJ.
[284] Night or day? Well, suns rays kill me so guess.
[285] Gloves or mittens? I luv mittens (just imagine my retarded voice)
[286] Pager or Cell phone? If I wanted to talk to you, wouldn't I already be? Pager, at least you have a choice on calling them back and you can get like ten pagers for a dime, put em on vibrate and jsut start calling yourself...oh hell yeah.
[287] Bunk bed or waterbed? No water, water bad, water bring Matt pain.
[288] Chewing gum or hard candy? Again, candy usually, but not some toffee shit beside a warm soft piece.....of Bubbleyum.
[289] Motor boat or sailboat? Boat= water= suck for matt= blow me question man.
[290] Lights on or off? Depends, am I trying to sleep or am I trying to drive?
[291] What's your favorite color? BluishPurpleBlackWhiteGray.
[292] What's your favorite Number? 7, 7 is a baaaad ass.
[293] What's your favorite Drink? Not Gin and strawberry milk, don't do that, I am not kidding.
[294] What's your favorite Animal? PeaCOCK.
[295] What's your favorite Holiday? Porn Tuesday.
[296] What's your favorite Quote? "They fuck you and they fuck you and they fuck you and just when you think they are finished that is when the real fuckign starts. or "you don't drink, I don't smoke and Bob here wouldn't think of lusting after a woman, between the three of us we are practiaclly Jesus.
[297]What's your favorite Sound? "No, please, take the money, just don't do that to me"....what is wrong with me?
[298]What's your favorite Ice cream flavor? Strawberry
[299]What's your favorite Song? MMM MMM MMM crash test dummies rock the planet!!!!!!!!!! hahah
[300] What's your favorite Book? Mine, you like that? my fucking book. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
[301]What's your favorite Movie? CuntLip Troopers...Fear and Lothing in Las Vegas.
[304]What's your favorite Place? Anywhere where surveys cannot find me....There is no such place....It is real, it is not a myth, I have seen it.
[305]What's your favorite Game? Kick the faggot.
[306]What's your favorite Scent? Rosemary and kicked faggot
[307]Who do you love? I love you baby, and if it's quite all right I need you baby.
[310]What's your house gonna look like? An evil stronghold on a mountain top that looks like a skull minus the mandible. And spires, I must have spires.
[311]Where are you gonna live? Incognito. Or the isle of JustOutsideOfcognito
[312]How many kids do you want to have? Do you mean at one time or total, because I can eat like one a day.
[313]What does your ideal girlfriend/boyfriend look like? Hot, how does yours look?
[314]How do they act? Perfectly, how does yours act?
[315]What's your dream date? It is where my children can grow up in a world without oppression, or fear, or bigotry, a world....oh wait, that is Martin Luther King Jr's dream again.
[316]Do you like to call or be called? be called, are there people that like to do the calling?
[317] Move anywhere, where would it be? To a land where evil cannot touch her.
[318] Buy any car, what would it be? Herse, yellow body, back still would be black. I would pimp in that.
[321] Are you glad this EXTREMELY long survey is FINALLY over? Jo, you need to be stopped from breeding goddamn it. and it is still 7:38, that didn't take any time at all....

Survey #4: The Quesaldilla (that looks wrong, but I don't speak wetback, so I wouldn't know.)
A survey that looks awfully familiar to me. But I am not one to nitpick, fill it out and pass it on.I am nothing but a machination of the survey beast.No fun in this one. Wasn't flowing tonight and it shows.I recommend not reading it. I sent it so as not to be read. Don't any of you read this thing. I will cut yourballs off! If you don't have any I will start digging for anything else!
1.What time is it? That's right kids! It's survey time! (canned applause, man in stupid suit jogs onto stage waving at no one in particular.)
2.Name as it appears on your birth certificate: Help! I am trapped in a birth certificate factory!
3.Nickname: No, Mattname. Why do I always get the surveys that talk like indian stereotypes?
4.Parents names: Dr. Samuel Lefkin and Dr. Peter Flemming of the Invitro Growth Lab in Northern California.
5.Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake:I don't eat anything with a face, so no cakes on my birthday.
6.Date that you regularly blow them out? Every time I release a new album I blow both critics and fans out of the water.
7. If you could be any superhero, who would you be? Wow, what a great question. How does one measure their prowess? Strength? Agility? Ability to banter with supervillians? I'd be Sleepwalker, anyone remember him? His bigpower was the ability to wait for his host to fall asleep so that he could walk the night and...generally look kinda like a bug.
8.Eye color: He had pink eyes if I recall correctly. They had a pink beam that came out of them
9.Hair color: He was bald.
10.Piercings: He might have had a King Edward in his cock, plus the nipple ring that he got in issue#14 - A night at the tat parlor.
11.How much do you love your job? I think they are reprogramming me, because I adore it. I love Sam Walton, he loves you. Walk with Sam and no trial in your life shall be too great. "And Sam sayeth unto the Associates you shall know no glory in life as that which comes from rolling back prices. Henceforth you shall make the difference everyday."
12.Best gift you've received: Well, when Dr. Lefkin and Dr. Flemming gave me life that was kinda nice.I just wish I had a receipt for it. It is getting a bit worn out and the warantee is total shit. Not to mention that I didn't get the model I wanted. I had my eye on the slightly more expensive "Kevin Bacon" version
13.Hometown: The state of grinning Drunkeness.
15.Been in love? Sure, when it got cold and we were out on the trail we had to gut love and sleep inside thecarcass for warmth. Other than that no, I have been in toleration with a person before.
16.Been to Africa? The continent? You do know they have africans there right? They like, run the place.They are the African pimps, you want africa you gotta go through them. And if you try to put it in thewrong hole of Africa, they will cut your balls off.
17.Been toilet papering? Actually no, I grew out of being 3 years old too fast to really think it was coolwhen I had the manual dexterity to go out and do it.
18.Loved somebody so much it made you cry? I loved them so much I made them cry, hows that? Ok ok how about this I loved them so much that I ...let them cry without abusing them? Am I doing any better?
19.Been in a car accident? I was in an accidental car. It was meant to be a cardboard compressor, but the engineer could have drank a little less while he was tripping.
21.Sprite or 7 UP? I made 7. Up yours. How many people moaned out loud at that? Come on, lets see those hands.
22.Favorite Movie: My neighbor's videotape of his son's funeral. I've given up on this survey.
23.Favorite Holiday: Day of the Dead.
24.Favorite day of the week: They all manage to blur together into one long string of similitude.
25.Favorite word or phrase: "Like the white folks do" "technomancing"
26.Favorite Toothpaste: I just gargle razorblades.
27.Favorite Restaurant: My house.
28.Favorite Flower: Anything after it hasn't been watered in about 11 years.
29.Favorite Drink: A recent love of everclear has come into my life. Put it in a sour apple slurpy. Don't do this in the bathtub, you will probably start drowning.
30.Favorite Sport to watch: Me throwing cards in a hat. Sports suck.
31.Preferred type of ice cream: Strawberry I suppose. Why can't these surveys ask something new? Like we don't know eachother by now.
32.Favorite Sesame Street Character: Guess? Oscar, put it together.
33.Favorite Fast Food Restaurant: They all taste the fucking same.
34.When was your last hospital visit: A long time ago. My plan is to need a doctor one more time in life, just to hack me open and decide which organ killed me.
35.What color is your bedroom carpet? Considering how things are going, It will be remarkably like cementsidewalk or alleyway blacktop.
36.How many times did you fail your permit or drivers test? Even I could pass that fucking thing.
37.Who is the last person you got e-mail from before this?I don't know, some jackass that wanted to give me a card with 2.9 intro APR, or cheaper long distance, or the hottest young bitches on the net. Or virgin sluts or credit card weilding virgin sluts with good rates to canada.
38.Which single store would you choose to max out your credit card? Dillard's maybe, I am becoming a bit of a clothes horse.
39.What do you do most often when you are bored? Work, sleep, online, TV, movies, drive, video games, date, fraternize with people, eat, write or read.
40.Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest: My computer, and it lives with me. Vassar is in Poukepsie New York
41.Most annoying thing? My roomate. His friends. The sky. Most everything under it. You, me, this survey.
42.Bedtime: Lights out is 9:30, but the warden lets us talk until 10:00.
43.Who will respond the quickest? No one.
44.Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond: Most everyone on here.
45.Favorite all-time TV show: Daria. I miss daria. I want to marry her, or Jane, jane and I could have had a serious thing.Of course, we couldn't make love in cool world, because it was illegal. Even for Brad Pitt. And what goes for brad goes for everyone!
6.Last person you went out to dinner with? ....I don't know. It has been a while.
47.Last Movie you saw:Risky Business.
48.Favorite Music: The kind with beats, notes and lyrics.
49.What CD is in your player right this second:REM - Up.
50.What is your deepest fear? Life's persistance in not allowing me to sleep forever one more fucking day.
51. Say something about the person who sent this to you: Jo, is a female. She lacks a penis...what do you mean that was two things?
52.What time did you finish this? I can't see the clock through the wall of tears. No, literally there is a wall of tears between me and the screen. I am typing on faith.

Survey #5: Ben lays down a steaming Nacho Platter Grande!
Matt sent me this written piece of diabolical pain, and seeing as I have roughly (checking schedule) nothing to fucking do at the moment, I'm filling it out. And guess what else, the rest of you people get it also. Know why? Because you're on Matt's mailing list, and because I can fucking do what I wish. I am my own dog, I have no rules, I go against the societal grain! You go, girl! Tell 'em, sister! Also, I know Jo, sort of, and she's a bitch.

Really, I'm just too lazy to go back and type any new e-mail addresses in, I'm half drunk, and I just don't care.
1.What time is it? Seriously, it's time to get off my dick.
2.Name as it appears on your birth certificate: Ben "Danger" Johnson.
3.Nickname: Nick? I don't know no Nick.
4.Parents names: Senator Jesse Helms and his pet monkey Frido.
5.Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake: The last time I had a birthday cake, I was probably 7 years old. And my parents were cheap fuckers. So, more than likely, it was one of those huge candles in the shape of the corresponding number. So 1.
6.Date that you regularly blow them out? What? Do I look like a prostitute to you? Don't solicit with me, boy.
7. If you could be any superhero, who would you be? I would be a superheroine, so I could stand in front of a mirror and fondle myself.
8.Eye color: This personal detail shit is starting to make me nervous. I mean it sounds like they're filling out a suspect description list. And I swear I don't know anything about the bloody glove. That was all OJ, man. All him.
9.Hair color: Frolicking Meadows Green.
10.Piercings: Whoa, buddy. You've got to promise you'll suck it if I tell you where it is.
11.How much do you love your job? Which one? I mean basically, they all mesh together into a big ball of manifested hell, but if I had to pick the one I hate the least, it would be... I'm sorry, I just can't do this.
12.Best gift you've received: Oh man, this one time, I was at the store, and I was like 14 cents short of purchasing this case of schlitz malt liquor and some rolling papers, and this dude at the counter was like "whoa man, don't worry about it, I've got 14 cents." That guy rocks your face off.
15.Been in love? One word: narcissism.
16.Been to Africa? Yes. Mubutu, the chief of his poor but lovely and simplistic village, bestowed upon me the order of the green monkey dung. I am not clear on
whether this is an honor or not.
17.Been toilet papering? Well they say if you don't go once a day, you should check into getting a dietary supplement like metamucil or something.
18.Loved somebody so much it made you cry? No. What kind of dumb fucking question is this? *cries uncontrollably*
19.Been in a car accident? Hell yeah, almost 6 inches.
21.Sprite or 7 UP? I don't know, mix them together. I'm not a chemical engineer or anything, but I'd say there won't be any repercussions from doing so.
22.Favorite Movie: When Harry Wet Sally, Part 2: Balls Deep.
23.Favorite Holiday: I thought madonna was the only one that did that song.
24.Favorite day of the week: "Looks like somebody's got a case of the Mondays!" Fuck all of you.
25.Favorite word or phrase: "It takes a village to rape a child."
26.Favorite Toothpaste: Question waived.
27.Favorite Restaurant: John's House of Unidentifiable Entrees
28.Favorite Flower: Hey. I fucked your mother. She was lousy.
29.Favorite Drink: No more tequila.... NO MORE...... DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID!?!?!
30.Favorite Sport to watch: Cleaning day at the nunnery.
31.Preferred type of ice cream: Suppose I just don't answer you. What then, Mr. Sass-mouth?
32.Favorite Sesame Street Character: Big Bird will slap yo' chump ass into next week, biaaaatch!
33.Favorite Fast Food Restaurant: I don't think Dave really HAS a daughter. If he does, it's kind of odd that she's like... 30 years old and still living with
him. I would say there's some incestuous relationship going on there.
34.When was your last hospital visit: I never go to the hospital. I refuse.
35.What color is your bedroom carpet? How do you know that I have carpet in there? Huh? Cameras? Got a P.I. on my ass, bitch?
36.How many times did you fail your permit or drivers test? Seriously. Nobody should fail this test. Ever.
37.Who is the last person you got e-mail from before this? Some guy named l33t j1m 0414 haxx0rr r0cks you4 fac3. Wanted me to check a file out for him.
38.Which single store would you choose to max out your credit card? I am a responsible shopper. I would never do that. TOYS R US, MOTHERBITCHES!
39.What do you do most often when you are bored? Well usually, my diaphragm takes care of that for me.
40.Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest: Julia Roberts. She just doesn't know this yet.
41.Most annoying thing? Think of one thing that can't naturally be that way. Then ask me this again.
42.Bedtime: Whenever the neighbor comes over and says "goddammit, would you make these whores go to sleep!?"
43.Who will respond the quickest? Don't care.
44.Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond: See above.
45.Favorite all-time TV show: Tool Time. Al Borlin is such a man animal.
6.Last person you went out to dinner with? Your mother. And yeah, I told you, she was lousy.
47.Last Movie you saw: Don't know, I was totally inebriated. But Stallone beat the shit out of some guy, so I enjoyed that.
48.Favorite Music: Neil Young's comprehensive collection. That is the ONLY music.
49.What CD is in your player right this second: Track One of the Band That Doesn't Exist album.
50.What is your deepest fear? Clowns. And mimes.
51. Say something about the person who sent this to you: Matt. He keeps telling me he's hung like a horse. I don't know, he's just a dickhead.
52.What time didyou finish this? Well, I TRY to let the woman go, but sometimes I go first. Just works that way.

Survey #6: A Chicken taco with questionable sour cream.

1. What time is it? Wouldn't you like to know
2. Name as it appears on your birth certificate? [looks] ... Industrial Waste
3. Nickname(s): My father always called me "Accident" my mother prefferred "Mistake" and the girls at school stuck with the ever popular "Don't come near me you fucking shitbox"
4. Parents names: Hive Mind and Holy Queen's Earthly Manifestation
5. Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake: (2x - 14y)3 then divide by pi and feel bad about the time you wasted.
6. Date that you regularly blow them out? When the planets align and Corfax devourer of worlds brings his army of morphodites unto this petty little excuse of brutish life then all hope will be blown out. Until then, January 2nd.
7. Pets: A festering malcontentment and an ego that I will have to give to Sea World because I just have no place to put it anymore.
8. Eye color: 7 questions into this relationship and you don't even know what my eye color is? (bangs pots and pans) nothing is wrong. (more banging). No, I am fine. (plate breaks)
9. Hair Color: *runs off crying and cuddles with a stuffed teddy bear...not one of those spooky ass teddy ruxpin things either. Mine tried to organize a mutiny. He was tried and executed*
10. Tattoos: This skull represents my son, and this eagle is for my country, and this pacifier was supposed to be a snake swallowing it's own head, but things went terribly horribly wrong so it represents the now ended life of a tattoo artist in Miami.
11. How much do you love your job? I have nightmares where I can't stack shit on a pallet right. My neck is always in knots and I drink every day. How much do you love having your fucking arm shoved in a garbage disposal questioner?
12. Favorite color: Too much beer yellow, anthrax white, ruptured gallbladder green, wouldn't make me a sandwich black and blue.
13. Hometown: Sheeeit dawg, you mah hometown. Word is bond.
14. Current Residence: the chair, wait a bit and it will be the kitchen.
15. Favorite food: Catholic.
16. Been to Africa? Why do they all ask this goddamn question. What in the name of the god of fuck. Yes, I impregnated a princess and deflowered many maidens on the dark continent.
17. Been toilet papering? I think if I were a cashier I would refuse to check out anyone buying 50 fucking rolls. Unless they explained that they had a bomb shelter, because that I can understand. paranoia = good childish vadalism = less good but still better than Bit-O-Hunny. I hate that candy.
18. Loved somebody so much it made you cry? Someone write a new survey, why do I keep getting the same one? Why do you want to know? You just waiting for me to be vulnerable so you can "get in my pants"? You think that just because I am hurting inside I want you shoving your less than reasonably sized member in me? You do? Well how perceptive of you, go ahead and touch me bad man.
19. Been in a car accident? I wouldn't call it an accident so much as an "investigation into the untimely death of Professor Plum" Kill Ms Scarlet will he....just a warning, Lexus's are very unstable. Combustible if you get my meaning. They explode really easily when you put bombs in them wink wink.
Question 20 does not exist, apparently ... We have a question unnaccounted for. 20 is MIA. Repeat, we have a question unnaccounted for. (plays taps on his trumpet and hands a flag to the greiving widow)
21. Favorite Movie: Thank you for the flag, this is the kind of funeral he would have wanted. You were always like a father to him.
22. Favorite Holiday: Swallow-mas. Yeah you read that right sweet thing.
23. Favorite day of the week: I am waiting for the next-generation week. Then I think that Drenstday will be the pimpenest.
24. Favorite word or phrase: Acquitted, Dismissed, Insufficient Evidence, Reasonable Doubt, Refused to Testify. Also Untimely, With extreme prejudice, dead or alive, have gun will travel, damaged in the shipping process.
25. Favorite Toothpaste: Clorox, your teeth will be dead white.
26. Favorite Restaurant: Give us Food: Fine Ethiopian Cuisine.
27. Favorite Flowers: The kind I took away from those maidens in Africa.
28. Favorite Drink: I think that Old Spice has gotten a bad rap as a beverage.
29. Favorite sport to watch: X-Treme Chainsaw Jousting.
30. Preferred type of ice cream: Hazlenut Rum....except I pick out the hazlenut.
31. Favorite Sesame Street Character: I had this talk with someone last night. I was naturally an Oscar Fan, but thought highly of Big Bird and the little black kid that was in the wheelchair. Not a reoccuring character, but he was zany.
32. Disney or Warner Bros.: When they defrost his head, I am going to ask Walt to Marry me. Bended knee, sunset, him floating in a 20 gallon aquarium with his little propellor spinning so he can move through the water, It will be magic.
33. Favorite Fast Food Restaurant: The biowaste dumpster behind the county cardiological clinic.
34. When was your last hospital visit? Do sexual reassignment clinics constitute hospitals /me puts on my makeup.
35. What color is your bedroom carpet? I don't actually know, they laid newspapers down before I came in. I really need to get housebroken.
36. How many times did you fail your drivers test? I didn't "fail" so much as "drag race".
37. Who is the last person you got email from before this? I sent myself a thanksgiving card so that I would feel like the *whole* world doesn't hate me.
38. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? No, but that is because Europe has *very* loose laws regarding border crossing.
39. Which single store would you choose to max out your credit cards: Buds N Such, The Weed Feed Store, Hash N Trash, Acid Bath, Eddie Bauer, Yuppi Puppi, Jimmy Finger's Back of the Truck Discount Extravaganza.
40. What do you do most often when you are bored? Whip the Slaves.
41. Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest: Ben, that aussie has his ass on another fucking planet.
42. Most annoying thing people ask me: Isn't that mine? Where did you get that? What the fuck is wrong with you? Who set this on fire?
43. Bedtime: I am familiar with the concept. I know people that swear by it.
44. Who will respond the quickest? to this? Thanks for the vote of confidence randal. Maybe Jo, or Ben if his computer has a connection from outer fucking space.
45. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond? Thankfully, everyone. They know I don't want to know anything abou them.
46. Favorite all time TV show: There is more than one? Doesn't everyone get the "You Love Big Brother" Broacast pumped into their house all the time? Oh, you must mean the "What you must do for your evil government" special they had last week.
47. Last person you went out to dinner with: It has been even longer since the last time a survey asked this. I don't have the first clue anymore. I went to lunch with some people a while back.
48. Last Movie you saw: I was given a star for being "Most productive" and they let me watch "A history of Big Brother's love for you". It was good, it was beautiful. It was everything I need in my life.
49. Time when you finished: Well, if you ask the bitch she would say I finished way to early, but I just didn't think it was going to happen for her. They don't cum sometimes even with my prowess.
50. Favorite cake? You are cupcake. Kisses.