This is a big conversation, but it is pretty good. For simpler navigation and more efficient time usage you can skip down the page to the following sections:
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Burnz: was watching tv last night
Tore: really
Burnz: goddamn noise maker thing didn't do it's fucking job
Burnz: that was why I didn't answer you
Tore: ah
Tore: np
Tore: er, no problem
Burnz: that and I was snubbing you
Tore: damn, I gotta stop with the battle.net
Tore: ah, i figured
Tore: you and your social elitism
Burnz: enjoy a connection while you can
Burnz: someday you won't have it anymore
Tore: I know, blue plaid and green stripes don't match, but still
Burnz: and then where will you be?
Tore: umm... probably in Santa Fe
Tore: screaming at the DSL company, asking for a connection
Burnz: they won't give it to you. They will call you a whore and refuse you any kind of service
Burnz: and they might send a guy over to touch you
Tore: nah, it's santa fe, they're too lazy to pick up the phone in the first place
Tore: after all, it's just a bunch of mexicans
Burnz: it is a sick state of affairs
Burnz: I have no cigarettes
Tore: and you can still type?
Tore: better than most smokers I know
Burnz: the shaking has died down
Burnz: thanks to smack
Tore: ah, thank god for smack
Burnz: it truly is the cocain of the common man
Burnz: wait, something like that
Tore: ah, close enough
Burnz: affectionated
Burnz: now that is a word
Burnz: haha, some girl calls herself that
Tore: uh, no it's not
Burnz: I know, it is very amusing to me. I love the interweb thing
Tore: wow... damn bunch of illiterates, that's what kids these days are
Burnz: straight up
Burnz: haha, a girl in Montana describes her ideal date as "being picked up in a nice car, taken for a long dinner on the beach watching the sun go down"
Burnz: she is going to be hella disappointed geographically
Tore: yeah
Tore: I can take you for a long dinner next to a bunch of dirt
Tore: there's a chance we may get shot by a militia, too
Tore: fuck me?
Burnz: shooting rats at the dump and staring blankly into a broken fountain nozzle
Burnz: Burnz date spectacular
Tore: wow... if a girl says she wants an unconventional first date, I know where to send her
Tore: she'll appreciate dinner and a movie all the more afterwards
Burnz: or she'll love it and feel comfortable explaining to me why she thinks the nazi party is misunderstood
Tore: your perfect woman
Burnz: so it can go either way
Tore: true, true
Burnz: those type of women are nice, until the medication wears off
Burnz: then you go from aryan teddy bear to howling wolverine
Tore: well, better than the type of woman who calls the cops when the meds wear off
Tore: and by meds I mean roofies
Burnz: I have found how to deal with that. Just finish up and take some yourself
Burnz: then pretend you were both the victim
Tore: heh... assuming the judge is liberal enough, you might just get off
Burnz: try crying
Burnz: it works, break down and scream "I don't want to do it anymore"
Tore: heh... or whine about how your parents said no to you
Tore: "and once, they even screamed at me... *sob*"
Burnz: twitch violently whenever anyone uses the word "penetrate"
Burnz: that can cause some serious courtroom chaos
Tore: experience with this?
Burnz: not at all
Burnz: just watching Ally McBeal
Tore: you actually hear what they say? I just stare at the tits

Burnz: some chick in seattle wants a "punk rock boy that is a gentleman"
Tore: I mean, seriously, that's what women lawyers are for
Tore: a punk rock boy that is a gentleman... right...
Burnz: you know, from moshing and ripping out piercings to the senate majority dinner"
Burnz: one of those pull out the chair while screaming obsceneties in an affected brit accent
Burnz: I wish women would find someone a little more offbeat, these mainstream guys are wearing thin
Tore: anarchy in the UK, man
Tore: oh really, are they now
Burnz: anarchy in the UK, please man
Tore: oh
Tore: sorry
Burnz: thank you, tea?
Tore: guess I;m not a gentleman
Burnz: you motherfucking pig?
Tore: ah... everyone loves to mock the punks
Burnz: wow, this chick is 19 and STILL hasn't found the man of her dreams
Burnz: it is almost too late for her. Thirty more years and she can't even have kids anymore
Burnz: poor old thing
Tore: yeah, but at least those granny porn sites will pay her more then
Tore: hell, they may even pay her now if she's ugly enough
Burnz: I love the headline "lookin for a sweet girl" no, I am looking for a real castrating, embittered hag
Tore: you too?
Tore: damn, there's competition
Burnz: thank god you are in santa fe
Tore: yeah... plenty down there
Tore: hell, all those mexican chicks look like hags by the time they're 15
Burnz: or we would have to go over Matron Williams, the divorce that has one son in boarding school and throws shoes
Tore: dude, I'd drop your ass
Tore: she's so mine
Burnz: I am sure I will charm her with my superior job skills and greater range of paint huffing knowledge
Burnz: you are up against a superior adversary
Burnz: double word foul on superior
Burnz: disqulified
Tore: damn... that paint-huffing knowledge always gets chicks
Burnz: yeah, show up with a gold ring around your mouth and they just take their bra off right there
Tore: even miss "affectionated" wouldn't do something that dumb
Burnz: she might if I found a beach in montana
Tore: true
Burnz: man, I wish I were a fly guy
Burnz: then I could find a fly girl
Tore: and you could have fly kids
Burnz: I mean, I am twenty and still don't have a fly girl
Burnz: time is running thin
Tore: until someday, your woman gets swatted, your kids stick to a bunch of damn flypaper, and where would you be then?
Burnz: although, since I do still have that 6 more years life expectancy I might want to start looking
Burnz: bug zappers
Burnz: took my parents away
Burnz: Alright boys......Exam time. You pass, and I could be mine.
Burnz: nonesense?
Burnz: you be the judge
Tore: yes
Tore: yes it is
Burnz: spelling errors?
Tore: adjourned *crack*
Tore: no, no spelling problems
Tore: surprisingly
Burnz: I did
Burnz: nonsense*
Tore: ah
Tore: indeed
Tore: fine, you pay court fees, she just gets labelled stupid as shit
Burnz: I couldn't even get the crazy one to be hers
Burnz: or .....whatever it is that happens when I pass the test
Tore: I think reality collapses

Burnz: I need to get some bitch pregnant
Burnz: I think that would shake things up a little
Burnz: I could flee the country then
Burnz: crawl into a bottle in some mexican dive
Burnz: wake up with a roofie hangover and one kidney
Tore: why not flee the country on trumped-up (or otherwise) drug charges, get some foreign bitch pregnant (you're white, it won't be hard), then come back into the country chased by shotgun-toting mexicans
Burnz: ok, mail order a russian bride. Use her for sex and exploit her ties to the russian mob, set myself up as a minor political official. Knock her up, tie her down and leave her as a sex kitten for the local boys off interstate 19. Head off and live out the rest of my days taking bribes and snorting blow off the hipbones of russkie babes
Tore: that works too
Tore: I was thinking mexican bitches, cuz then at least they'll be underage too
Tore: your thinking's too tame
Burnz: it is ambitious though
Tore: true, true
Burnz: I admit, a little mundane for a punk gentleman such as myself
Tore: but what are you after, power or illegality?
Tore: I mean, shit
Burnz: god, the choices life throws at you
Burnz: right, I want excitement, not master planning
Burnz: time to look at russian bride sites that means
Tore: I wonder if any of them are affectionated too
Burnz: then star trek and midnight shopping bonanza at wal-mart
Tore: ooh, fun!
Burnz: come back and enjoy mad max the road warrior
Burnz: plus drinking
Burnz: as per usual
Tore: is it ever otherwise?
Tore: especially with mad max and road warrior on the tv?
Burnz: I have some hazy recollection of a time when alcohol wasn't a life giving force
Burnz: but now, it is like spinach
Burnz: to a sailor
Burnz: hello, I am tanya and I want an american that will not drink and beat me like the men in my home village.
Burnz: that one is no good
Tore: not like to popeye?
Tore: cuz that would be fucking cool
Tore: every time you get drunk, you could fucking bust people's heads in left and right
Tore: like at tony's party, say
Burnz: oh lord. I wanted to hit someone that night
Tore: I did too, he invited me
Burnz: *sigh* but I refrained. that and I had no real reason to
Burnz: 1. Send your letter to a lady or ladies.

2. Receive her reply.

3. Make sure that the lady is interested in you and you are interested in her. This may take a number of letters, so be realistic.

4. Payment of expenses incurred by the lady.
Burnz: does she have breasts? I am interested
Burnz: am I american? she is interested
Tore: uh... tony isn't enough reason by himself?
Burnz: he was nice that night
Burnz: and stuck with some ghetto ass people
Tore: I know, dammit
Tore: I still wanted to hit him
Burnz: I felt bad for him, not real bad
Burnz: but bad enough
Tore: I sat in a corner and hid
Tore: as usual
Burnz: and was drunk fast enough that it didn't matter
Tore: yeah... I woulda been, shortly thereafter
Burnz: I know you did. It is fine. Were I not so in love with booze I would have been that guy
Tore: 5 more minutes and that whole designated deal woulda been out the window
Tore: by letters do they mean that written shit?
Burnz: I think so. On like paper or whatever
Burnz: archaic
Tore: cuz if you can't just configure one by menus and give a shipping address, then it ain't real internet business
Tore: yeah, wtf
Tore: I guess it fits a punk gentleman such as yourself, though

Burnz: right, god save the fucking queen! Who wants biscuits!?
Tore: ooh, ooh, me! me! I want biscuits!
Tore: maybe if you tell the russian chick that you make biscuits, she'll ship herself out
Tore: make sure she's southern russian, though, from the big sea-things down there
Tore: cuz landlocked russian women are all nasty fat skanks
Burnz: mail her a nice box
Tore: every single one
Burnz: there are a lot of olgas in that country
Tore: I even sent bubble-wrap... don't you wanna bear my children?
Burnz: here is a straw to breath through, see you at the airport?
Tore: airport? no, dude, FedEx delivers to the door
Tore: if it's big, they'll even haul it inside for you
Tore: if she's big, they may even haul her right back out
Burnz: well, it is official, I am afraid of these women
Burnz: most of them
Burnz: those that I am not afraid of....well she seems nice
Tore: good... they'd probably nuke you as soon as fuck you
Burnz: here is little something from Kremlin you capitalist swine!
Burnz: all right, a 16 year old
Tore: ooh
Burnz: it would be like a taiwanese sex tour!
Tore: that's what we're talking about, right there
Tore: 16?
Tore: no, dude, that would be the tour guide
Burnz: chubby too, won't have to feed her
Tore: that's a goddamn retiree in the taiwan sex trade
Burnz: oh, you don't really retire. You kill yourself out
Tore: just teach her to be american woman, throw everything up
Burnz: there is something about a woman with her hand in her mouth
Tore: yeah, she's less likely to be biting yours
Burnz: oh, I found one I like. Looks like she has had the kate moss diet already
Burnz: she is 164 tall and 47 weight
Tore: damn, the russians have discovered the secret of negative food!
Burnz: I hate the metric system
Burnz: and her name isn't olga!!
Tore: score
Tore: is she from southern russia?
Burnz: hang on
Tore: damn, man, all slow and shit
Burnz: doesn't say
Burnz: she is calm, stable, soft, affectionate, with sense of humour
Tore: that's the important part, it tells you whether she has a 95% or a 50% chance of being a hosebeast
Burnz: and adds extra u's
Tore: and not affectionated? dude, next
Burnz: I have a picture
Burnz: I have a couple of pictures
Tore: naked pictures?
Tore: most russian wife pictures are naked, as far as I can tell
Burnz: I could be Mr. Ekaterina Kuznetsova
Burnz: no, clothed
Tore: you aren't already?
Burnz: hang on, let me send her a letter
Tore: for the good of humanity, I don't know if I can let you do that

Burnz: oh this explains why she is so thin "I want to find my second half"
Burnz: I hope I get the half with the vagina
Tore: heh
Tore: if it were american, it would legally have to say "vagina not included" or you could press all kinds of charges
Burnz: yeah, but if it were made in america it would break in 40 minutes of use
Burnz: 20 the way I use it
Tore: just hit it, it usually starts working again
Tore: american women were designed to work only when beaten
Burnz: I always get carried away and burn it
Tore: maybe if you didn't have the cracktorch so conveniently nearby all the time
Burnz: how the hell else am I supposed to stay awake between erections?
Burnz: she starts talking and......
Tore: that's why you give her the torch... no, wait, arming the partner is never a good idea
Tore: especially if she's tied already
Tore: might get out that way
Burnz: they are chains, but you never know
Tore: the bigger issue is that she might kill herself
Burnz: I am well-shaped and attractive, cheerful and sociable, sensitive and tender. A man: intelligent, balanced in character, with a sence of humour, ambitions enough, who loves sport and active rest.
Tore: won't stay fresh as long, plus she takes all the fun you'd have doing the same
Burnz: active rest eh?
Tore: nice
Tore: only 1 spelling error, too
Tore: although apparently she's a brit, what with that "humour"
Burnz: they all seem to be
Burnz: they just throw u's in whereever the hell they want
Burnz: well that isn't english in any way I recognize it
Tore: they're probably all punk russian brides, looking for a good punk gentlemen
Tore: *gentleman
Burnz: that would make sense
Tore: indeed
Tore: they're in league with that beach-in-montana one
Burnz: I should put myself on an American husband site
Burnz: make them come to me
Tore: make randal start a husband-selling section on his site
Tore: hell, just tell him to post "all commentors available for fucking by hot women 24-hours-a-day" at the top
Burnz: not a bad plan "I am looking for woman from other land that spells fucking right"
Burnz: just might work
Tore: you don't think fuucking is a good way to spell it?
Burnz: that is right up there with women that spell intelligent wrong
Burnz: inteligent
Burnz: intellegent
Burnz: intallagent
Burnz: cow
Burnz: oooo, natalia here likes runnig
Tore: to the cops, or from them?
Tore: important distinction
Burnz: and she describes herself as merry
Tore: right... dude, they're all limeys posing as russians
Burnz: pip pip comrade